Everybody seems to agree that we have the great fortune of living in the richest country that ever is, in the most scientifically advanced period of human history, surrounded by the most efficient technology. Therefore, it makes sense to expect that we would have a richer, more meaningful life than any earlier members of the human race. If our grandparents, living in that ridiculously primitive past, could be content, just imagine how happy we would be! Science tells us this was so, it is confirmed by thousands of TV commercials celebrating the good life. Yet despite all these assurances, sooner or later, we wake up alone, sensing that there is no way this affluent, scientific, and sophisticated world is going to provide us with happiness… The answer seems clear: while humankind collectively has increased its material powers a thousandfold, it has not advanced very far in terms of improving the awareness of human nature. So it is true to say that we are in darkness, but we do not know it until light shines upon us, making us go to the Master like Nicodemus who visited Jesus at night because he knew something was missing in his life, but he was also afraid to admit it.
The scripture goes on.
“People prefer darkness to light… All who do evil hate the light and do not come out to the light, so that their deeds may not be exposed.”
It tells us why we refuse the light and what we are afraid of. We are afraid to be shown up as evil and guilty. We do not want people to see the shadow areas in us. We hide all the dirt inside us behind our apparent goodness, certitudes and power. If we do not want our bad deeds to be exposed, perhaps it is because we are frightened of being rejected, of falling into a pit of loneliness and anguish, when people see who we truly are, with our poverty and brokenness. Maybe we cannot accept our poverty and frailty unless we discover that we are loved just as we are. When we realize that we do not have to be clever, powerful or successful in order to be loved, then we can live in truth, come to the light and be led by the Spirit of God. We are no longer fearful, so the Gospel ends with these words:
“Those who do what is true, come to the light that it may be clearly seen that their deeds have been done in God.”
From my own experience, I can tell it is not easy to admit that I am a terrible sinner who hurt others and God, unknowingly myself. But the Good News tells me, “Listen to the depth of God’s love!” It says, “I not only forgive you. I promise to always be with you, so you will never be alone. You no longer need your self-serving independence. I will heal your pride. I will free you from the destructive patterns of sin that bind you. I promise to fill your heart with my love and with gifts of peace and courage and passion for sharing my love in service to others.”
St. Paul is right. “This is grace in which we could be saved through faith and this is not from us; it is the gift of God; it is not from works, so no one may boast. For we are his handiwork, created in Christ Jesus for the good works that God has prepared in advance, that we should live in them.” So this is my prayer, maybe your prayer as well.
“O Lord, when you let me see the many complicated sins in my life, I felt so ashamed, so embarrassed. Then you told me that that isn’t the whole picture of who I am—I am a sinner who is loved by you. Now you tell me that still isn’t the whole picture. I am a loved sinner, on the path to healing, because of your faithful love for me.
How can I thank you? What can I say, when you tell me you won’t abandon me, because I am unfinished? Please let me hear the depth of your desire to accompany me along the path to wholeness, to holiness. Please begin your healing in me. Please let your healing free me so that I can serve you as you deserve, with more and more of my heart.
Hear my humble prayer, O Lord of Faithful Love.”