Jan. 19, 2009
The first day of the Spiritual Exercise online!
The weekly guide suggests I need to reflect on my life. It can be done roughly Monday and Tuesday, remembering the images of my childhood; Wednesday and Thursday, my teen and early adulthood; Friday and Saturday, the rest of my adult life. And I am encouraged to come up with images or pictures that describes best of that time period.
The first advice for the 34 weeks of journey is this.
“First guidance then is this: do not expect, look for or demand progress. Enjoy and live the process, even though as with physical exercise, you might not like doing them every day. As with a diet, you might have to give something up, like time, activity and accomplishments. We allow God to give the increase, the insights, the progress. We begin expecting God to be busy laboring on our part of creation which we have found quite unfinished as a work of art. This is the first guide, don’t stop here; the journey is worth the expense. Go for it!”
I am going for it!
Actually I spent about forty minutes afternoon at the chapel, reflecting on my birth and childhood after reading the psalm 8: “O Lord, how awesome is your name through all the earth!”
It was beautiful to see my birth as God’s love for me. I was created by God’s love through my parents. And my childhood seemed as normal as I could imagine. But some incidents gave me a negative impression caused by my family’s poverty and my immaturity and sins. Overall, the prayer time was filled with gratitude and hope that looked forward to the coming 34 weeks.
“Help me, O Lord, although I am not worthy. Use my desire to glorify your name and guide others to see your goodness in them. Amen.”
Jan. 20
Very peaceful day!
I gladly took a day off. I watched a Korean movie, ate a good meal, worked out vigorously, read a good book, talked with my father and a good friend in Korea and most importantly I prayed, reflecting on my life according to Ignatius Spiritual Exercise. I am happy now.
The prayer was slow. When I started looking at my deep heart in my teens, I noticed indecent sins that came along with my adolescence. From my prayer and my reading on “Accept acceptance,” I realized I was struggling to deal with my acceptance—not being recognized, appreciated and loved when I was in teens. This struggle found an easy way to escape, hurting my body and heart. I accept the fact with sincerity that I was somehow in need.
However, I also recognized I was not lost completely because of good friends, the family, Catholic faith and God. I am grateful.
It was a solid hour reflection in the snow!
Jan. 21
The day went fast; my heart moved slowly.
I wondered why the time has sometimes a sting.
When I sat before the Lord, my heart started moving faster.
I looked at my failures, shame with small victories.
I was bewildered with what kind of person I was.
Life is precious regardless my intentions and yet life will be more precious in regard of my concern of it. I would like to choose saving life instead of sustaining life.
Jan. 23
I had something going on afternoon, so I prayed in the morning.
It was quiet and different that praying in the afternoon.
I had reflected on my priestly life since May 2007. I have seen much growth and deepened love for people in me. It is really blessing to say, “I am happy as a priest!” And I should give thanks to God more make him present in my hours, minutes a day. I believe that is why I do the Spiritual Exercise online. Since then, I have been more relaxed and generous to others in their needs.
Today I have got the book called “Moment by moment” that guides people to use Spiritual Exercise in daily routine. I will use it.
Jan. 24
Saturday morning, I had a funeral.
So I decided to pray early with Ignatius Spirituality.
First I read “Moment by moment,” and it helped me to reflect on how I became interested in Ignatius Spirituality. It was an amazing time to see God’s guidance through many people.
I will use each moment every week, so that I will finish the book with the Spiritual Exercise online. May God continue to inspire me to walk by faith.